Do You Trust Me?
Do you trust me?
If you’re a 1990’s Disney fan (back when Disney was amazing, in my opinion) you may recall a scene in Disney’s 1992 film of Aladdin. This initial moment of love at first sight between Aladdin and Princess Jasmine had been quickly interrupted by city guards on the hunt of Aladdin. In the heat of the moment, aligned with Aladdin’s charming fearlessness, he decides to jump from his window to escape. Before he does, never intending to leave Jasmine behind, he turns to her, holds out his hand, and asks her in haste, “Do you trust me?”
It was that statement that blows his cover when Aladdin asks Jasmine to take a magic carpet ride later in the movie. No fancy hat or entourage could have fooled Jasmine. When she heard those exact words again, her heart stopped, and suddenly she knew. It was him. Aladdin had come for her. Or Prince Ali Ababwa. Whomever it was, she knew she was safe to step up onto the magic carpet and go wherever he would take her.
For the past couple weeks it seems I have heard the Lord whispering those same words, “Do you trust me?” I have felt like the apostle Peter as I’ve repeatedly answered, (deep breathe), “You know I do, Lord.” Trust. Isn’t it boggling how one word can hold so much power? Growing up, I grew used to the fact that people didn’t keep their word. Yes doesn’t mean yes. No doesn’t mean no. People you love can leave you without notice and promises were made to be broken. While this might have been true about some in my life, it wasn’t the absolute. Even so, I slowly bought into the undertones the enemy would put in my ear, lies that crept into my mind and eventually penetrated my heart. People can’t be trusted. Trust, but only to a point. To be worth being sought by those you love, you must become something they would love in turn. So, if I wanted something accomplished, I did it myself. If I wanted a human to stick around, I became the kind of human I perceived they would stick around for. For years, starting from a very young age, I believed these so called “personality traits” were good, even praiseworthy. My family and peers even praised me for being self driven and coveted my natural independence. I’ve since learned that this environment molded me into a creature of toxic self dependency and shallow relationships. Satan led me right down the pathway of destruction and in the end, I ended up being the one that couldn’t be trusted.
A lot has happened since then. I’ve since lost a few more people that I thought I never would and one too many more promises have been broken. But God’s precious grace fell on me. Mercy upon mercy. He lead me into truth and showed me who I truly am. He gave me eyes to see people, even the ones that have left, and love them. Through this supernatural love, I found a level of trust I had never known before. It was deeper than the trust I had lost as a child. For this trust was bound up in love (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). And since this is truth, I found that my deepest dependency belongs to Him and no other, because God is love (1 John 4:8). All those years that I spent pulling the strings behind the curtain, desiring control over every little thing, was foolish. Truly, I was blinded by the enemy’s schemes. As a child, I was caught up in a tsunami of consequences to other people’s sins and it hurt. The enemy likes to take our pain and run with it. And he’s a liar, just as he was from the beginning. He twisted my pain into selfishness and pride which led to a malignant heart towards God. Through God’s mercy, I came to realize that He alone has the power to give and take away. And He accomplishes so much more than I can.
I have a busy life. Ew… and I don’t like to admit that. I hear that all the time, “My life is so busy.” As much as I loathe to hear those words come from people’s mouths, it’s true of me also. But please don’t tell anyone I just wrote that. My husband and I own an optometry practice in a biggish-small town in which I work full-time managing. I hire (and fire) employees, train them, pay them, get on to them, encourage them, and maybe tease them a little too. I fight insurance companies, manage credentialing and licensing, oversee scheduling, shipping, ordering and inventory, and pay the bills. You name it, I’ve probably got my hand in it. We also help out with the youth ministry at our church. I teach on Sunday mornings and assist in various other activities. We have two growing girls, one 13, and one 9 that attend a hybrid style classical school which means that they are home schooled twice a week. Guess who’s their teacher when they are home? And this is no keep-your-pjs-on-and-snuggle-while-we-read-the-three-little-pigs type home schooling days. This is non-stop 9-5, maybe one hour for lunch, math, classical literature, latin, world history, science, and Bible homeschooling days. Manager of grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, and keeping tummies full. Coordinator of transportation for ballet, church and school activities, dinner dates, play dates and everything in between. Aaaand I am writing the very article you are reading now. Sometimes I feel like I am that waitress you see coming from the back of the restaurant carrying fifteen full plates of food. Six on one serving tray with the left hand and one on her forearm. Six on the right hand, with another on her right forearm and one on her head. “How is that possible?” you think. You watch her, wincing, praying she doesn’t fall over and hurt someone or herself. Yeah, that’s me.
It is a lot to carry. Everyone has a lot to carry. And trust truly is a necessity for day to day life. In something or someone; no matter what your life looks like. Otherwise, I’m not sure I would get out of bed in the mornings. It’s no mistake I’ve been given what I have and who I have to be responsible for. James 1:17 says every good and perfect gift comes from the Lord. Who determines what is good? What is perfect? Well, God does. Some days, I catch myself trying to carry all of this on my own. I trust only in myself to accomplish all the work. I slip back into those old habits of self-dependency. Only now, my selfishness and pride get cleverly wrapped inside a cocoon of acts of good will and responsibility. I take what the Lord has given me to glorify Him and keep it for myself. And when we begin to warp our responsibilities into rights, they slowly become burdens. Burdens are responsibilities with the absence of love. The absence of Christ. Oh, our adversary is so crafty, isn’t he? Sweet brothers and sisters, don’t you see that we have been given much because we are entrusted much (Luke 12:48)? I cry out to the Lord with thanksgiving to know that He trusts me so! To know how much the Lord has entrusted me with is to know how much He loves me! Praise Him, I am not worthy of His goodness! Our lives are so temporary (James 4:14) and so are the gifts God gives us. And they come in many different forms. Some are here today and gone tomorrow (Job 1:21), some bring torment (2 Cor. 12:7-10), and some are spiritual (1 Cor. 12:4-6). But all are given to glorify Him. And perhaps the greatest news is that He doesn’t give us such tasks without a way to accomplish them. He gives us everything we need to love and serve Him (2 Peter 1:3). Because of Christ, as believers, we have been given a helper (John 15:26), armor (Eph 6:10-18), and life in abundance (John 10:10). But it’s our choice whether or not we reach out and take it.
“Do you trust me?” I do, Lord. Do you? Jasmine’s carpet ride sure was magical, wasn’t it? But at first, she was scared to let go of her fears. The carpet was unstable beneath her, the wind rushing past her took her breath away and everything was a blur. The unexpected dips and turns, made her just want to disappear, so she just closed her eyes, hoping it would all go away. There was a moment when she let Aladdin catch her from falling and that’s when she realized she wasn’t alone. All at once, she seemed to have faith in the one that took her up there to begin with. He said he would open her eyes and he did. When she let him take over and see things from his point of view, her fear melted away, the darkness dissipated and the stars began to shine brighter. A whole new world became crystal clear. After seeing things from this point of view, she tells (or sings) to her new love that she’s come so far and she can’t go back to where she used to be. This is what following Jesus can feel like. I know it seems like a cheesy way of putting it, but look, that’s what happens when you grow up in the 90s. I am going to feel like I am falling sometimes, like I am in this life alone. Those are just the consequences of living in a broken world. We are going to fail. As of today, I am still flesh and bone. But I know I am a child of the one true King and I am a beloved princess. It’s an everyday process, one magic carpet ride after another, but I stand on the promise that I can trust my Lord and Savior to never leave me to this life alone. Just like the old hymn, all I need to do is to trust and obey. For there’s no other way, to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
-Kennah Grant